Friday, April 15, 2005

The webpage JOFA posted and then removed about Rabbi Mordechai Tendler. My open question: Why was it removed?

58 Comments:

At 8:29 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

see:
http://64.233.179.104/search?q=cache:zuMsuW1_IEoJ:www.jofa.org/social.php/community/sexualabuse+%22mordechai+Tendler%22+jofa&hl=en&lr=&strip=1

Sexual abuse occurs within families and also within institutional settings, and involves an abuse of status and power. How can families confront and heal from instances and cases of sexual abuse? How must Jewish leaders and rabbis confront abusers within their own ranks, as well as their victims and victim’s families? How can a deeper exploration of gender issues help us address and understand the issue of abuse in the Jewish community?


REFERENCE MATERIAL


Periodical Articles

"A Report from Jerusalem: The Kolech Conference," Idana Goldberg. JOFA Journal, Fall 2003.

Synopsis: Goldberg discusses the central themes of Kolech’s third international conference, “To Be a Jewish Woman.” The conference was energized by discussions about the symbiosis between American and Israeli feminists, and demonstrated Kolech’s strength as an advocate for women who charge men with sexual abuse and harassment, emphasizing the importance of creating safe spaces for victims to tell their stories.

Click here to download this item in PDF format.

"Confronting Abuse in the Orthodox Community," Blau, Rabbi Yosef. NEFESH.

Synopsis: Rabbi Yosef Blau addresses the response to sexual abuse within the Orthodox community.

Click here to download this item in PDF format.

"Confronting Sexual Abuse in Jewish Families," Lowenstein, Sharon. Moment, 15:2, Apr-90, 48-53.


Speeches

"Abuse of Power," Blau, Rabbi Yosef. JOFA Conference. 2004.

Synopsis: This is the outline of Rabbi Blau's speech on sexual abuse, which was given at JOFA's 2004 International Conference on Feminism and Orthodoxy.

Click here to download this item in PDF format.

Web Articles

"Orthodox Group Expels Rabbi," Cohen, Debra Nussbaum.

Synopsis: This article, published in the Jewish Week, covers the reaction to the expulsion of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler from the Rabbinical Council of America for alleged "conduct inappropriate for an Orthodox rabbi." JOFA commented on the allegations and expulsion as follows:

In light of the recent allegations against Rabbi Mordechai Tendler of “conduct inappropriate for an Orthodox rabbi,” JOFA condemns any behavior, by any leader, that takes advantage of women. The charges are particularly distressing considering that Rabbi Tendler, a strong advocate for agunot, was in a position of trust for many women at a time when they were particularly vulnerable. We applaud the Rabbinical Council of America for taking these issues seriously and instituting formal procedures to deal with them.

Click here to view this item.


The following sources are not available online but the citations are provided for your reference.

Audio Tapes

"Abuse of Childeren and Teens at Orthodox Institutions: Communal Responsibility," Lenk, Marcie and Amy Weinstein. JOFA one day conference, New York, May 2001.

Click here to download a PDF order form for this item.

"Shattering the Silence: Childhood Sexual Abuse," Polin, Vicky, Michael Salamon, and Na'ama Yehuda. JOFA 5th International Conference, 2004.

Click here to download a PDF order form for this item.

"The Politics of Gender in Confronting an Abusive Rabbi," Klitsner, Judy. JOFA 5th International Conference, 2004.

Click here to download a PDF order form for this item.

"When Authority Breaks Down: The Abuse of Power," Blau, Yosef and Mark Dratch. JOFA 5th International Conference, 2004.

Click here to download this item in PDF format.

This is a dynamic web site. New sources are continually being added. As permissions are obtained from authors, full articles will be added where currently there are just bibliographical citations. When new articles and resources are brought to JOFA's attention, they will be considered for addition to the site.

We invite submissions of articles and papers on this topic for posting on this website. Please send your submission to website@jofa.org.

 
At 2:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

it was removed because JOFA came to the unfortunate realization that it was supporting voluntary adultresses, not victims of any kind...and potentially women who made up the entire thing and perpetrated one of worst libels in recent memory...either way, JOFA had to cut its association quickly with them....if, for the sake of argument, they did in fact sleep with the Rabbi, they need be placed in cherem and divorced from their husbands immediately....that "O" in JOFA limits their ability to ignore halacha, a luxury obviously enjoyed by many feminists on this list

 
At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some Tendler supporters now attack the women as "voluntary adultresses" who may need to separate from their husbands, i.e. destroy their families. This vicious attack by Tendler supporters on vulnerable women is one of the most disgraceful tactics I can imagine. It has caused me to lose a great amount of faith in our rabbonim.

 
At 4:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don;t think any of us who have been discussing the obvious halachic problem now posed by these voluntary adultresses within the community will ever be confused with Tendler apologists. If he did something, and it is halachically proven, he will pay the price. But these women have VOLUNTARILY admitted to acts of cherem that require, by all halacha, divorce from their cuckolded husbands. Black and white, no room for debate. Where are the orthodox feminists in defending the halacha and administering the responsible action of the community?

Do not dismiss any of us as Tendler apologists. We just don;t care about that aspect of the issue, at least for now where no facts are finalized. What IS finalized is the actions of these women...where is the KNH community to perform its required, halachic responsibilites? Do the women of KNH serious employ halacha only partially and as it suits their interests?

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

Apparently, this weeks RMT "spin machine" talking points is to go after his victims.

>I don;t think any of us who have
>been discussing the obvious
>halachic problem now posed by
>these voluntary adultresses
>within the community will ever
>be confused with Tendler
>apologists.

You are RMT apologists and the Halachic problems are not obvious.

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>If he did something, and it is
>halachically proven, he will pay
>the price.

Impossible to prove anything halachically. It is not possible to have witnesses to crimes committed in private.

As well, no beis din today has the capacity to deal with capital crimes.

 
At 5:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree the real question for JOFA to answer is how does an orthodox organization address its responsibilties regarding adultresses?
This really goes to core of JOFA's credibility. If they cannot take a halachic line on so blatant an issue as voluntary adultresses and cuckolded husbands, all credibility is lost.

And I too am no Tendler apologist. I seems the women on this list simply have no reply to the obvious and grave halachic issue raised by protecting adultresses in a modern orthodox suburb, and the conflict it raises between modern American sensibilities and halachic responsibilities. They simply retort that we are all Tendler apologists lacking any credible response to the most serious topic now being raised by the husbands and halachically observant members of the community.

There can be no role in a halachic community for adultresses. Period.

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>But these women have VOLUNTARILY
>admitted to acts of cherem that
>require, by all halacha, divorce
>from their cuckolded husbands.

No witnesses, can't convict on the word of the accused and no ability to deal with either the women or RMT today.

>Black and white, no room for
>debate.

Really? Is that your psak? Please expand.

It isn't black and white at all that a divorce is required in many of the cases.

 
At 5:58 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Do the women of KNH serious
>employ halacha only partially
>and as it suits their interests?

No, just the RMT apologists.

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>I agree the real question for
>JOFA to answer is how does an
>orthodox organization address
>its responsibilties regarding
>adultresses?

And the Awareness Center should go after the teenage boys and girls (minors in civil law, adults in halacha)sexually exploited by authority figures?

Your arguments are insane.

http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/marninasiarubin.html
http://theawarenesscenter.org/Weinberg_Matis.html
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Goldenberg.html

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

JOFA should be protecting Jewish women from sexual exploitation/abuse. We already have organizations that go after women to silence and muddy their names in order to protect their abusers: it's called the "old boys' club". Membership includes you.

 
At 6:14 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

The posters here are absolutely obscene. Why not go after Lanner's victims for violating the laws of Yichud while you're at it?

RMT like Lanner was in a position of authority over his victims and abused that authority. He's the one that is dangerous and should be stopped. As well as his wacky supporters posting their nonsense talking points for the week.

 
At 6:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no, Lanner's vicitims were underage children. That is why there is a law of majority age.

These women were knowing adultresses cuckolding their unsuspecting husbands. Whether or not the rabbi gets run out of town is not the ONLY issue. The greater issue is the orthodox women confronting once and for all whether they will follow halacha or American suburban morality --these women were not vitims of anyone, were well above the age of consent and knowledge...how in any conscience at all can you protect them from cherem and reuqired halachic divorce (and loss of children's custody, goes without saying)

JOFA now faces its greatest crisis in deciding its position on these adultresses -- is there really an "O" in JOFA? These women are not victims of anything. If the rabbi committed adultery, run him out of town. Rights after running these women into cherem for what they openly admit occurred. You can;t have it both ways, ladies.

 
At 6:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"These women are not victims of anything. If the rabbi committed adultery, run him out of town. Rights after running these women into cherem for what they openly admit occurred. You can;t have it both ways, ladies."


JWB: There is no making rational sense in arguing with Yoram Yanover, who has revealed himself time and again to be as much of a misgynistic pig as his precious rebbe.

Abuse of power is abuse of power, period.

It is pathetic that in his impotent frustration over the exposure of his own rebbe he is attacking the Tendler survivors like this.

Tell him to go send his own wife and daughter for 'healing' and a 'therapeutic relationship' with either his own rebbe or Tendler, and then come back and see what he has to say.

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you keep trying to combine willing adult adultresses with minor children. There is no comparison at all to Lanner, Weinberg or the other cases. These were adult women who knew exactly what they were doing, and are responsible for their actions under law and halacha. Run the rabbi out of town for having extramarital affairs if proven -- no one has a problem with that.

Irrespective, however, these women are REQUIRED to be put in cherem as willing adultresses, divorced at once and denied custody of their children. No choice, unless you are willing to state that your orthodoxy is only present for ritual convenience when it conforms to American cultural standards. Based upon what all of you CLAIM these women admit to, how can any of you protect them for a second? They are not 15 years old, they are not victims of any kind --they are brazen adultresses, who cuckolded their hsubands in extramarital affrairs. Who cares if it was with the rabbi or the richest guy in town -- in dealing with THE ADULTRESSES, there is no relevance in any of these defenses.

Run them out of town tonight! IN cherem forever, evil women who desrtoy the basis of the Jewish household! Where are the Bnos Yisrael to openly defend the sanctity of the marriage and household, and deal according to all Halacha with the WILLING ADULTRESSES?

 
At 6:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*When one party is in a position of power and uses that power with moral questionability, the relationship is never "consensual", regardless of age. It is considered ipso facto abusive.*


Deal with it.

 
At 6:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There can be no role in a halachic community for adultresses. Period."


How do you explain your own role in supporting a rabbi who is an ADULTERER then?

Just because he shares details of his sexual exploits with you doesn't count.

 
At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There can be no role in a halachic community for adultresses. Period."


How do you explain your own role in supporting a rabbi who is an ADULTERER then?

Just because he shares details of his sexual exploits with you doesn't count.

 
At 6:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can;t locate a single posting here supporting your rabbi. Not one. Every comment simply notes these women are adultresses, and must be dealt with accordingly.

They are victims of no one, they are brazen adultresses way over the age of consent. Halacha is very specific on this issue, and what must be done. Go run the rabbi out of town as well, if you accept their testmiony as fact --but only AFTER insuring they are in cherem and properly divorced from their cuckolded husbands, and removed from all custody of children that are to be raised as halachic persons.

 
At 7:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tendler had no power over these women; that is a nonsensical discussion regarding women in their 30's and 40's. He had extramarital affairs with willing partners, if one accepts their stories. As a rabbi, that will be dealt with by the community.

These women, however, are not victims by any definition. They chose to sleep with the local Alpha Male, period, rather than maintain their marriage vows to their husbands. At the country club, that would be the richest guy; here in Monsey that means the rabbi.

I agree, this is a very problematic situation, and much more serious than whatever Tendler did as a rabbi. How are the women of the community keeping quiet rather than putting these women in the worst cherem possible?

I liked the comment about the Bnos Yisrael...where are our women in publicly defending our marriages. I am very disturbed by this lack of intelliectual honesty, and excuse making for black-and-white halacha.

A Monsey Husband

 
At 7:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nonsense. You have no right to judge people by such black and white standards, particularly when you don't know the facts. These women were vulnerable. They approached their rabbi for guidance on spiritual and personal matters. They trusted their rabbi, as they should be entitled to. He manipulated them and seduced them. He probably could not have done it were he not the "rabbi". This is not the typical case of a woman fooling around behind her husband's back. In this case, the women were vulnerable to the rabbi's phony confessions of love and adoration and fake praise. They followed his lead. Unfortunately, due to this escapade, many people are going to lose respect for rabbonim and Torah.

 
At 7:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also, from what I have heard, this was done in the context of "learning". The "rabbi" used learning sessions as a way of using the Torah to seduce the women. I can't even get into the details, they make me sick.

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Tendler had no power over these
>women; that is a nonsensical
>discussion regarding women in
>their 30's and 40's. He had
>extramarital affairs with
>willing partners, if one accepts
>their stories. As a rabbi, that
>will be dealt with by the
>community.

1) Agunot pressured into sex with the fear they may not get their get.
2) Women being counselled are vulnerable to the person counselling. Particularly, when the counsellor is playing one spouse against the other and engaging in a seduction.
3) 15 year old pressured to lift her skirt.
etc.

If RMT were a licensed counsellor, he would apparently be held to a much higher standard than the ones the deadbeats here want of Orthodox Rabbis.

Perhaps someone could post an authoratative psak or some policy that a Rabbinical group should have members that violate halacha like RMT.

 
At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

THE CLOSEST STORY TO THE TRUTH

http://jewishvoiceandopinion.com/a/Tendler1.htm

 
At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

GREAT ARTICLE. TELLS THE TRUTH, NOT LIKE THE CRAP BY JWB


http://jewishvoiceandopinion.com/a/Tendler1.htm

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

I posted the entire article yesterday at:

http://jewishwhistleblower.blogspot.com/2005/04/jewish-voice-and-opinion-extensive.html#comments

Thanks for more unnecessary links.

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>THE CLOSEST STORY TO THE TRUTH

Just the RMT "spin machine" in action.

It's clear that Susan L. Rosenbluth does not know what she is talking about. She clearly is not privy to what was in the Praesidium report. This is simply material fed to her by the RMT "spin machine".

See the parts of the Praesidium report that I could post at:
http://jewishwhistleblower.blogspot.com/2005/03/new-summary-of-rabbi-mordechai-tendler.html

Remember, Susan L. Rosenbluth, killed her story on Rabbi Baruch Lanner's abuses in 1989. Her direct silence allowed more children to be victimized. She has proven that her integrity (and the lives of innocent Jewish children) can be bought from her for the price of a few mere ads. She too was and is a part of the problem.

 
At 7:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did the Jewish voice and opinion bother to interview any of the victims? If they did, their article would have been totally different.

I also wonder how much the Tendler family paid for the articles (paid advertisements)?

 
At 7:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being an outsider looking in, I have to wonder what's the difference between the way the Tendler family is addressing these issues and the way the Mafia would deal with the exposure of one of their clan?

 
At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

first time poster, so bear with me please.

As a husband, I agree completely with the arguments made by other men here reagrding these women. It is very disconcerting to keep seeing "15 year old" assertions when dealing with 40 year old women in the community.

These women were under no pressure, they were bored suburban housewives looking for trouble, and found it with a very willing rabbi of dubious judgment. A plague on all of them.

And if he told them in therapy, to jump off the Empire State Building, as someone said, THAT they could reason as false, but getting into a shower with a man other than your husband is NOT consentual? Please!

They shtupped the Alpha Male, repeatedly and willingly, as someone posted. That violated every aspect of Judaism. No excuses. How can they be permitted to remain in our community at all?

How come all of our wives are silent on this matter? Is it really the true attitude of the women in KNH, that it is ok to sleep around on the sly and then claim post-coital "victimhood" when the truth comes out? How are they being permitted to continue in the community?

Where, indeed, are our Bnos Yisroel, as someone wrote?

A KNH Husband

 
At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Mordechai Tendler could use the following information. I think it might be helpful to him.


A quick checkup

Ask yourself the following questions to assess whether you may have a problem:

* Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?

* Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?

* Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?

* Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?

* Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?

* Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?

* Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns that prompted you to leave the last relationship?

* Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?

* Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?

* Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?

* Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?

* Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, Sex Addicts Anonymous encourages you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend a support group meeting to further assess your needs.

Source: Sex Addicts Anonymous Web site, www.sexaa.org

 
At 8:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also found this web page
http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/sexaddictions.html

 
At 8:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A mailing list of/for Jews who suffer from Sexual Addiction
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/JewishSexAddicts/

Description
Do you suffer from a Sexual Addiction? Here are some questions you can ask yourself: http://www.sexaa.org/12ques.htm

Resources on Sexual Addiction can be found here:
http://directory.google.com/Top/Society/Sexuality/Sexual_Addiction/
All people who join this list will be welcomed publicly by the Moderator posting a message with only your e-mail address so all members know who has joined the meeting. E-mail addresses of all list members will be published monthly.

 
At 8:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have no qualms with your list for Tendler, but every one of these harlots masquerading as a proper jewish wife, sleeping with their Big Man on Campus could score a perfect 100 on this exam as well. Deal with it, as someone said.

 
At 9:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why the sudden focus on the women? It is an effective way of insuring that they do not come forward. The married women are guilty of adultery though there is no evidence that he did anything. Calling them names increases the intimidation.

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Why the sudden focus on the
>women? It is an effective way of
>insuring that they do not come
>forward. The married women are
>guilty of adultery though there
>is no evidence that he did
>anything. Calling them names
>increases the intimidation.

It's just part of the RMT "spin machine".

 
At 9:54 AM, Anonymous i.a.n.a.l. but said...

>No witnesses, can't convict on >the word of the accused and no >ability to deal with either the >women or RMT today.


>It isn't black and white at all >that a divorce is required in >many of the cases.

From my understanding of halacha, while we say ein adam meisim atzmo rasha, there is a halacha called shavya anafshei chaticha deisurah, namely they have a right to make something forbidden to them. by saying they were seduced by RMT, they are making themselves assur to their husbands, even if they can't be given the death penalty. Being seduced is called "ratzon", not ones. Even being financially threatened is called anusim machmas mamon and has the category of ratzon.There is a famous case where the mother of the bride told Reb Moshe Feinstein under the chupah that her daughter was a mamzeres. Reb Moshe told her that she was assur to her husband but she has no halachic right to passul her daughter and the wedding would go on as planned. This is the problem with these women coming out publicly- halachicly, their marriages are destroyed but nothing happens to RMT b/c no two adult male witnesses. This is why a beis din for this case is useless, unless they're willing to pasken "Chances are guilty" instead of "defifitely".

 
At 10:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"They shtupped the Alpha Male, repeatedly and willingly, as someone posted. That violated every aspect of Judaism. No excuses. How can they be permitted to remain in our community at all?"


Perfect example of proof of how badly the Orthodox community needs to be educated in issues of abuse!

 
At 2:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep reading what some individuals are writing about the women of Monsey and the KNH community.

Reading what you think about the survivors make me think you believe your town is filled with whores. I'm curious if you think about your wives in this manor too? If you do, are they aware of it?

It sickens me. I was thinking of moving my family to your community. I had always heard such wonderful things. I guess I need to thank you for making your views loud and clear. You've made me realize how you respond to women who have been victimized. It's obvious your community isn't for my family.

I wonder what's going to happen to the value of the homes in your community, knowing how you view women. Who in their right minds would want to move there.

It's definitely not a safe community. I'm going to have to start warning my friends. I used to think of Monsey as the place to strive to live in. I was wrong.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

Jofa has put this page back up:

http://www.jofa.org/social.php/community/sexualabuse

 
At 4:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB
Thanks for letting us know they put the information back up. My bet is they had not thought of the ramifications of taking the site down. My hope is that they will start networking with appropriate people who understand sexual abuse issues, and also domestic violence.

I know they mean to do the best they can, but like most organizations they are overwhelmed. Violence against women, children and yes men can be difficult to understand. The impact can be unbelievable.

 
At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB,
Thank you for taking the time to do this blog. You have made a major impact on many people's lives.

You are giving those of us who have been abused a voice. You are allowing our communities the opportunity to know the whole story, and not just the story Jewish news media groups and our rabbis want us to know.

 
At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It would be great if JWB and Luke Ford teamed up. Can you imagine the impact they would make in cleaning up our communites?

I know they get knocked down by so many people for doing what they do, but to be honest if they weren't pushing buttons no one would be paying attention. They are making us think for ourselves.

 
At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a grown woman who took a man ito the shower while her husband was at work is clearly "misasek", and need be placed in cherem at once

a grown woman who stripped for a man other than her husband and then consummated the tryst repeatedly is clearly "misasek"

a grown woman whose explanation is that her mother was dying and her husband worked long hours,, and she was depressed and lonely and vulnerable, defines the term adultress, and is clearly "misasek"

a grown woman complaining that "he said he loved me and would leave his wife for me" is almost every NFL cheerleader, most secretaries in my law firm (3 just last year), and any other woman who went after the Big Man on Campus however defined, knowing it was forbidden fruit, and got burned

There is a clear problem in KNH in these women taking post-coital responsibility for their adultery -- and NO ONE is apologizing for Tendler, who clearly goes along with them for conduct unbecoming a Rabbi.

But everyone of these women may never set foot in shul again, must divorce their husbands at once, and should have their children DNA checked for mamzerus immediately.

We are clearly at an crossroads between whether the community is Modern or Orthodox. After discussions this shabbos, I am pleased that the overwhelming silent majority comprehends halacha and is simple appalled at these women and their handlers,and that the 2-3 repeated voices here represent anonymous and dubious feminists with no foundation in halacha.

I love and respect my wife dearly, and rely upon her perspectives no end. No one is more outraged at the "vicitimizing" of these adultresses than my wife and her girl friends in the shul --our true Bnos Yisrael upholding our moral standards.

This is now the post-Tendler discussion, and one of far greater consequences. Is there an "O" anywhere in JOFA, or is halacha simply a convenience for espousing American (alien) feminist culture within our community?

A Very Proud (of his Eshet Chayil and daughters) KNH Father and Husband

 
At 9:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Word from Behind the Mechitza at KNH:

As awkward as it may be to break from the "sisterhood", your continued harping on Rabbi Tendler as a "deviant" of some sorts is simply false...he was a willing participant in adultry with grown woman/women. That violates halacha, and will cost him his position as a Rabbi, but the women are equally culpable if not outright seductresses.

You seem no longer capable of distinguishing between any improper relationship and being a sexual predator --by your words, the minute an improper sexual relationship comes to light, the man is a predator and deviant, yet the woman is a victim. There lies your lack of credibility -- you cannot distinguish anymore between amourous trysts between consenting adults in violation of their marriage vows and molesting a 9 year old girl. No matter what, the equation for you seems to be All Men Bad, All Women Victims.

The Tendler case is going to harm the orthodox feminist movement for years to come precisely because of this failure in credibility. He needs to go because, as the RCA rightly pointed out, he engaged in conduct improper for an orthodox rabbi -- he had an extramarital affair with very willing partner/s, and possibly seductress/es. You have destroyed, however, all of the rightful momentum that developed from the NCSY case by mislabeling this case as predator/victim because of an inability to acknowledge that the women were equally culpable, if not more so.

Those of us behind the mechitza know the real facts, and this case has been badly misrepresented for feminist political motivation. I grieve for the lost opportunity, and for the misrepresentation of our community.

We women are much more caught up in the vise between American culture and yiddishleit than the men. Halacha asks almost nothing of us, save for dressing like the clique and preparing lavish social affairs for company every shabbat. We claim that watching Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives does not effect us, and that we can compartmentalize the values of America from our own homes and families. Wrong. Time to accept that bitter truth and accept its consequences.

These women need go immediately, as quickly as the Rabbi, not as heroes but as harlots.

No one, and I mean absolutely no one, on this side of the mechitza has anything emotion other than utter revulsion for these women. They are, indeed, adultresses, and we all look forward to the men performing the distasteful tasks necessary halachically and civicly in weeding their imoral influences from our shul and community.

All the purported sympathy posted on your blog comes from out-of-town feminists employing our local crisis for their own benefit and cause.

There are so many important cases of abuse that demand not only publicity but credibility. The less said about the unfortunate events in our shul, from the perspective of the orthodox feminist cause, the better.

A KNH Mother and Wife, for the Silent Majority of Eshet Chayil in the KNH Community

 
At 9:59 PM, Anonymous Kivi Schwartz said...

At 4:39 PM, Anonymous said...
It would be great if JWB and Luke Ford teamed up.

Silly...of course they've teamed up. In all likelihood JWB IS Luke Ford! How in the world do you think he managed to post Gary "Gadi" Pickholz's letter to JWB two days before JWB himself posted the letter?

It's important to know that Luke Ford has a serious axe to grind with all Orthodox Rabbis, as he was thrown out of a conversion program in LA, and by labeling Orthodox Rabbis as sex addicts he can justify his own sex addiction. Just go to www.lukeford.com for a sample of what he's all about.

 
At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Attn KNH Mother and KNH Husband:
Your posts refelect the lie that RMT is guilty. If you think he is guilty, can we please see some proof? Have you read the Jewish Voice and Opinion or read the Jewish Press? Prove it or lose it.

 
At 10:50 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

1) I am not Luke Ford. Read posts regarding Rabbi Ozair.
2) I never posted Pickholtz's letter to me. Pickholtz posted it himself. I'm familiar with Pickholtz's PAS nonsense and am not interested in posting his junk regardless of critical statements about RMT.
How do you know Pickholtz sent me the same letter by email? I never posted any such statement.
3) I assume Luke got the letter directly from Pickholtz who probably sent him the same letter. I never sent or received anything on this topic from Luke.

 
At 4:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was SO pleased to see the letter from behind the mechitza, finally breaking open the dam of silence for all of us here in the shul.

I have raised my daughters to be proper frum girls, and they are not stupid at all. That means making certain they understand that if they ever end up on all fours on the carpet of a girlfriend's home (much less the Rebbetzin) with her husband, even once would be 10,000 times too many to claim a lack of judgment. Now you expect me to look these girls in the eye and tell them that married women who were doing it, by their own word, over two years time were "victims"? How dare you try to force us to repeat such drivel and nonsense to our daughters. The Cause does not justify denying the truth, and you fool no one.

I wish the supporters of these women would help a simply Monsey mother with the math: how many times, exactly, need a "frum" married women gets down on all fours for a married man before she is no longer a "victim" but willing participant -- once, ten times? twenty times? please give me a benchmark for use with my girls.

When my eldest comes home from her new apartment on the Upper West Side and tells me that she has been having an affair with one of the senior partners in her Wall Street bank, shall I console her as a "victim" of his authority, because he said he loved her and would leave his wife for her, or smack her across the face? And that presumes she has not yet taken her own matrimony vows under the chuppa! Imagine of this is after years of marriage!

And when I come home early one day next year to find one of these "victims" dancing the horizontal momba with my husband in my bedroom, do I accept her explanation that "life has been particularly tough of late, and she was mesmerized by my husband's authority (as in more wealth and power than her husband) and was a helpless victim that could not help herself? Have you declared open season on my husband and marriage next?

The comment about how we compartmentalize frumkeit and what we see on Sex and the City was perfect.

How DARE you try to co-opt us into blindly and silently supporting your nonsensical support of these women as victims! The are homewreckers and nymphomaniacs! It feels so good to finally be able to say that publicly and openly!

The person JOFA most needs to ask mechila this year, however, will be some poor 11 year old girl molested next year by a teacher or Rabbi she trusted, who has no popular support because of the STUPIDITY of trying to equate her victimhood and suffering with the fallootin' tootin' of a bunch of married women who all knew better but understood that no matter what, they could claim a free pass from any responsiblity to their marriage vows -- or mine!

An Outraged KNH Mother

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

http://www.advocateweb.org/hope/notanaffair.asp

Why It's Not an Affair
Rev. Patricia L. Liberty
Rev. Liberty is the Executive Director of Associates in Education and Prevention in Pastoral Practice, PO Box 63, 44 Main Street, North Kingstown, RI 02852 AEPPP@aol.com 401-295-0698

The issue of sexual contact between clergy and congregants is complex. Whenever a minister is exposed for such behavior the aftermath is traumatic for everyone involved. Churches feel betrayed, victims/survivors are marginalized and misunderstood and the families of all involved suffer greatly. This article is intended as an informational and educational forum to increase understanding about sexual contact between clergy and congregants.

Oftentimes sexual contact between clergy and congregants is dismissed as an "affair" between "consenting adults". This is a misnomer for several reasons. First, the relationship between a clergy person and his/her congregants is professional in nature. That means that clergy have a responsibility to use the special knowledge, skills and gifts of their call for the benefit of those they serve namely their congregants. It also means that clergy have a responsibility to establish healthy professional relationships. Because clergy carry moral and spiritual authority, as well as professional power it is ALWAYS their responsibility to maintain an appropriate professional boundary.

In practical terms this translates into clergy not pursuing or initiating sexual relationships with congregants (regardless of marital status of either party) and not responding to the sexual advances of congregants who may be interested in a relationship with their pastor. It also means that clergy will not engage in sexualized behavior with congregants. Sexualized behavior includes jokes, inappropriate touching, pornography, flirting, inappropriate gift giving, etc.

Since the ministerial relationship is professional in nature, it is inappropriate to call a sexual encounter an affair. Affair is a term used to describe a sexual liaison between peers, or equals. In addition, the term affair focuses attention on the sexual nature of the behavior rather than the professional violation. It also places equal responsibility for the behavior on the congregant. Since clergy have a responsibility to set and maintain appropriate boundaries, those who are violated by clergy's inappropriate sexual behavior are not to be blamed even if they initiated the contact.

This is a difficult concept for many people to grasp. We want to blame the congregant (usually but not always a woman) for the sexually inappropriate behavior of the minister (usually but not always a man). As tempting as this may be, it is wrong because it is always the responsibility of the minister to maintain the integrity of the ministerial relationship. The temptation to blame the congregant is also a reflection of the difficulty people have believing that a person who carries moral and spiritual authority, who is respected and trusted, can also be guilty of misusing the power and authority of the office. That denial and confusion causes tremendous damage to victims who need understanding and support as well as to churches that need clear, ethical, theological and faith based intervention to understand their betrayal. Blaming the congregant also means a failure to call the abusing pastor to genuine accountability. The focus needs to remain on the violation of the ministerial relationship.

The term "consenting adults" also reflects a misunderstanding of sexual behavior between clergy and congregants. It is assumed that because two people are adults that there is consent. In reality, consent is far more complex. In order for two people to give authentic consent to sexual activity there must be equal power. Clergy have more power because of the moral and spiritual authority of the office of pastor. In addition, education, community respect and public image add to the imbalance of power between a clergy person and a congregant. Finally clergy may have the additional power of psychological resources, especially when a congregant seeks pastoral care in the midst of personal or spiritual crisis, life change, illness or death of a loved one. This precludes the possibility of meaningful consent between a congregant and their pastor.

In our work with survivors of clergy abuse we often ask the question, "Would this have happened if he/she was your neighbor and not your pastor." Overwhelmingly the answer is "no". The witness of survivors underscores the truth that the clergy role carries with it a power and authority that make meaningful consent impossible.

When speaking of sexual contact between clergy and congregants, the term professional misconduct or sexual exploitation is more accurate. It keeps the emphasis on the professional relationship and the exploitative nature of sexual behavior rather than placing blame on the victim/survivor. "An affair between consenting adults" is never an appropriate term to use when describing sexual contact between a minister and congregant. Accurate naming of the behavior is an important step to reshaping our thinking about this troubling reality in the church, how we name it reveals our belief about it. Holding clergy accountable with compassion and purpose and providing healing resources to churches and survivors is dependent on an accurate starting point. Only when we name the behavior accurately can we hope to have a healing outcome for all involved.

 
At 9:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"How DARE you try to co-opt us into blindly and silently supporting your nonsensical support of these women as victims! The are homewreckers and nymphomaniacs! It feels so good to finally be able to say that publicly and openly!

The person JOFA most needs to ask mechila this year, however, will be some poor 11 year old girl molested next year by a teacher or Rabbi she trusted, who has no popular support because of the STUPIDITY of trying to equate her victimhood and suffering with the fallootin' tootin' of a bunch of married women who all knew better but understood that no matter what, they could claim a free pass from any responsiblity to their marriage vows -- or mine!"

Clergy abuse is an abuse of power and authority, period. These are not typical "affairs".

You are correct in that these women are not victims---they are NO LONGER victims because they had the guts to speak up and come forward.

Your attempts to malign them, however, is sad and pathetic. You have absolutely no understanding of the dynamics that take place in clergy abuse----which involve abuse of power, that typical run of the mill "affairs" do not involve.
Wake up.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

http://www.advocateweb.org/hope/notanaffair.asp

Why It's Not an Affair

 
At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok now I get it! it's a power and authority thing that removes all adult responsibility from these women.

mordechai tendler is a dime a dozen as a rabbi, but my husband truly is all that stands between his patients and the angel of death

so next year when I come home midday and find one of these women spreadeagled across my living room sofa with my husband, it is only because he is famous doctor and her mother needs therapy...this would be a new form of medical insurance, I guess...sort of pay as you go

perhaps you would suggest I extend true hachnosas orchim and have my daughter serve up some iced tea after the poor dear worked up such a sweat with my husband the authority figure...always one to help out the victims, you know...my "sisters" in the feminist cause all assured me

I agree these women must be out of the shul, out of our homes and out of our community

APPALLED KNH Mother and Wife

 
At 12:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just tucked my adorable, loving husband to bed for the night before the workweek.

Like most of the men here, he is very successful, brought us great affluence we never imagined under the chuppa, and is a powerful public figure.

I agree with the other women's postings. The feminist supports of these women have declared 'open season' on my husband next. This year, they were attarcted to the Rabbi. Next year, it will be the Lawyer, then the Doctor.

These women cannot remain in my community or shul, and it is a disgrace that they receive support as 'victims'.

Cancel my membership in JOFA.

 
At 4:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excuse me, these women are NOT alleged victims of anything, deserving of confidentiality or sympathy

They are admitted adulteresses. We accept their confession. Put them in cherem today!

The shul is not divided only on the issue of the Rabbi....many of us accept that some "conduct unbecoming the Rabbi" as the RCA put it, occurred. We accept their confession of adultery.

Now NEVER set foot in our synagogue again, or you will get the same public display we would give a man denying a Get. If you sit the women;s section for Pesach, expect a public humiliation beyond your wildest nightmare -- your feminist friends can't protect you in our shul anymore

 
At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not addressing Rabbi Tendler's role at all...perhaps I am the only one not addressing his role. He continues to deny his role and is entitled to whatever legal procedure is appropriate, to its conclusion.

I am addressing sitting next to women who have admitted to adultry with a man in the community. They are not denying their actions, and my skin crawls every time they sit down next to us in shul.

What is everyone waiting for regarding them? This isn't the outcome the Tendler enemies hoped for? Who cares?

It seems all of you are guilty on all sides, if I now understand properly, but the Rabbi is entitled to the benefit of the dwindling doubt until the end of the legal process. Not a woman who stands up and shouts she had an affair with my girlfriend's husband and then sits down next to my daughter in shul like some heroine!

And next year it will open season on my man? And the community should applaud her for this? Forget about it.

Appalled KNH Wife and Mother

 
At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rediculous comment of the month award winner is:

in response to :"I am addressing sitting next to women who have admitted to adultry with a man in the community."

the winning rediculous remark of the month is: "There has been no such admission. Repeating the same lie over and over does not make it true."

So now you have the audacity to ask me to tell my girls that these women, in fact, are backtracking and now deny publicly and repeatedly admitting to the most vulgar forms of adultry ---for lengthy periods of time, mind you, not one fleeting indiscretion!!!!

I may be the ONLY one here actually from KNH. My husband and I paid enormous funds and tzedaka to build the shul, as well as time and effort, and now people are trying to backpeddle on admitted adultry to stay inside?

My skin crawls at the thought of thes harlots being permitted into shul. They have admitted to adultry. Where are the men in the community to do the right thing and enforce cherem? You are correct, there are 7 other shuls here -- they can go elsewhere. How dare some two-timing harlot suggest to me that MY FAMILY go elsewhere because she blabbed to the world that she slept (and a WHOLE lot more than that) with a girlfriend's husband.

Not how she expected things to turn out? tough cookies, slut.

TIme for us all to be much less Modern and much more Orthodox about this. Today.

 
At 9:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the bottom line, folks, is that we have all be had...both the beis din of Israel and the RCA have clearly concluded that both sides here ewre lying all along, for their own power motivations.

And we have been made into truly the fools of all Judaism by both sides.

For this I poured a fortune in this community as well as this shul. What a fool I was. What fools we have all been, financing and supporting both sets of liars.

 

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