Sunday, April 17, 2005

And I realize that what happened is not just about this rabbi who went after...women...It's more about what happened to us when we tried to stand up..

78 Comments:

At 7:00 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

And I realize that what happened is not just about this rabbi who went after young girls and women and maybe children. It's more about what happened to us when we tried to stand up for ourselves. And what happened isn't very pretty. Somehow, I was the guilty one. I had to prove I wasn't crazy. He spread rumours about all the women, that they were all under psychiatric care. It was up to them to prove they weren't crazy. Of course, now I know that he's a scary guy. His ability to lie gives him fantastic power. When someone looks you in the eye and that someone is a man and that man is in a position of power, you believe him. You don't believe the catty girls and women who fly around, powerless, like butterflies with their wings clipped. And I realized that it can happen anywhere. At any school or church or anywhere where someone naturally has power over you.

It isn't a pretty lesson to learn.

(Primrose Path by Carol Matas, 1995)


Does the above quote sound familiar? Unfortunately it is. It's familiar to anyonewho has ever dealt with rabbinic abuse.

In fact, the above excerpt and others were so familiar to Rabbi Ephraim Bryks that he had his lawyer send a threatening letter to Carol Matas and had her banned from reading excerpts at the largest synagogue in Winnipeg, Canada.

http://www.efc.ca/pages/chronicle/recent.html

Rabbi Ephraim Bryks, the same Rabbi who was given the option 2 years ago by the Rabbinical Council of America to quietly resign rather than face an investigation by the Beis Din Ha'Kavod (he was not the first to be given such a choice). Unlike Rabbi Mordechai Tendler, he chose to leave.

http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/Bryks_Ephraim.html

Video: http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/offender/brykslq.rm

Did I mention that Rabbi Bryks attended Ner Israel Baltimore during the same time frame as Rabbi Aaron Tendler (Mordechai's brother) of Hollywood? The same Rabbi Aaron Tendler who is under investigation by the RCC and RCA for shockingly similar allegations.

http://lukeford.net/profiles/profiles/aron_tendler.htm

Small world isn't it.

Maybe it's time to air and clean our "dirty laundry" instead of subjecting the next generation to it.

 
At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for printing that, JWB. It's amazing to see how often that is used against women who step forward and speak up --"crazy", "mentally unstable", "hysterical", etc. I guess I've been in good company!

 
At 7:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>Did I mention that Rabbi Bryks
>attended Ner Israel Baltimore during
>the same time frame as Rabbi Aaron
>Tendler (Mordechai's brother) of
>Hollywood?

Your attempts to manufacture "facts" or to create rumors/innuendo is laughable. There are 400+ guys in Ner Israel. Even if Bryks and Aron Tendler were there at the same time (which is pretty unlikely based on the difference in their ages), it would be completely meaningless.

More meaningless JWB innuendo...

 
At 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you back up your Aron Tendler claims before you post them please? Luke Ford is not enough to go on. Have some shame.

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Thanks for printing that, JWB.
>It's amazing to see how often
>that is used against women who
>step forward and speak up --
>"crazy", "mentally
>unstable", "hysterical", etc. I
>guess I've been in good company!

You're not the first to be attacked this way. It's standard operating procedure in these types of cases.

I suggest people here read this book. Everything in it will be so familiar.

You are not alone. You are not the only one who has gone through this. It is a story that happens more often than people will admit in the Orthodox community.

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Can you back up your Aron
>Tendler claims before you post
>them please? Luke Ford is not
>enough to go on. Have some
>shame.

I have several sources not including Luke Ford. What Luke has written, however, I will confirm as accurate.

 
At 7:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bryks went to Ner Israel concurrently with over 500 other talmidei chachamim...better inform their wives, emloyers and communities as well given the logic of this post

A new low for JWB, who once again takes a legitimate topic and potentially newsworthy item, and destroys all credibility with a gratuitous and improper potshot at the Tendlers. Still incapable of dividing between journalistic credibility and personal animosities. It must be So tempting with a blog to settle your personal scores in this manner!

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Your attempts to
>manufacture "facts" or to create
>rumors/innuendo is laughable.

None of this is "laughable".

>There are 400+ guys in Ner
>Israel. Even if Bryks and Aron
>Tendler were there at the same
>time

They were.

>(which is pretty unlikely
>based on the difference in their
>ages)

They're both around 50/51 years of age.

 
At 7:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a grown woman who took a man ito the shower while her husband was at work is clearly "misasek", and need be placed in cherem at once

a grown woman who stripped for a man other than her husband and then consummated the tryst repeatedly is clearly "misasek"

a grown woman whose explanation is that her mother was dying and her husband worked long hours,, and she was depressed and lonely and vulnerable, defines the term adultress, and is clearly "misasek"

a grown woman complaining that "he said he loved me and would leave his wife for me" is almost every NFL cheerleader, most secretaries in my law firm (3 just last year), and any other woman who went after the Big Man on Campus however defined, knowing it was forbidden fruit, and got burned

There is a clear problem in KNH in these women taking post-coital responsibility for their adultery -- and NO ONE is apologizing for Tendler, who clearly goes along with them for conduct unbecoming a Rabbi.

But everyone of these women may never set foot in shul again, must divorce their husbands at once, and should have their children DNA checked for mamzerus immediately.

We are clearly at an crossroads between whether the community is Modern or Orthodox. After discussions this shabbos, I am pleased that the overwhelming silent majority comprehends halacha and is simple appalled at these women and their handlers,and that the 2-3 repeated voices here represent anonymous and dubious feminists with no foundation in halacha.

I love and respect my wife dearly, and rely upon her perspectives no end. No one is more outraged at the "vicitimizing" of these adultresses than my wife and her girl friends in the shul --our true Bnos Yisrael upholding our moral standards.

This is now the post-Tendler discussion, and one of far greater consequences. Is there an "O" anywhere in JOFA, or is halacha simply a convenience for espousing American (alien) feminist culture within our community?

A Very Proud (of his Eshet Chayil and daughters) KNH Father and Husband

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>A Very Proud (of his Eshet
>Chayil and daughters) KNH Father
>and Husband

Give us your wife and daugther's names. When you're laguishing in the hospital suffering from cancer and your daughter's husband is busy working 20 hour days to pay the hospital bills and mortgages, we'll send RMT over to console them and exploit them at their most vulnerable time.

Cretin.

 
At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are there so many allegations of sexual misconduct and sexual assault connected to past and or current students of Ner Israel, or the relatives of those in charge?

We have the case of Matis Weinberg, the Tendler boys, Ephraim Bryks, the case for the 1950's. I'm sure I'm forgetting some.

Over the years there have been rumors of various cases of sexual misconduct going on in the dorms. Are these all cases of "boys will be boys," or are these cases of sexual assault? Yes, boys/men can assault other boys/men.

What happens when these sorts of allegations are made? Are the alleged victims believed? Do the officials at Ner Israel do their own internal investigations? Or do they allow law enforcement officials to do investigations?

 
At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB
Thank you again for your work. Your are doing such a huge mitzvah. Finally someone is speaking the truth. Finally someone is letting the world know what the Jewish news media groups are refusing to tell.

Did you ever see the movie called "the insiders"? I think it's a must see for everyone who cares enough about exposing sexual violence in Jewish communites, and to be honest sexual violence in any religious community (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc.).

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

http://www.valleyshul.com/leadership.php

Rabbi Aron Tendler

Rabbi Aron Tendler has been teaching high school since 1976. His first position was in Phoenix AZ. as Dorm Supervisor for
Ohr Hamidbar. From 1977 to 1980 Rabbi Tendler taught in Kerem Yeshiva, Santa Clara, California.
He moved to Los Angeles in 1980 and has been a teacher, Assistant Principal, and Principal at Yeshiva University High School
of Los Angeles. This past June, Rabbi Tendler retied from YULA to assume the position of Senior Rabbi at Shaarey Zedek Congregation. This past December, Rabbi Tendler was awarded the coveted Miliken Foundation's Distinguished Educators Award.

In 1985, Rabbi Tendler became the Associate Rabbi at Shaarey Zedek Congregation in North Holiywood, California, the oldest and largest Orthodox congregation In the San Fernando Valley.
In 1996, Rabbi Tendler's position was advanced to Rabbi of Shaarey Zedek, and this past July he became the Senior Rabbi.

For the past nine years, Rabbi Tendler has been the Chairman of the Yeshiva Principals Council.
For the past six years, he has been a member of the Executive Board of the Rabbinical Council of California and currently holds the position of Chairman of the Vaad Hakashrus of the RCC.

Rabbi Tendler is author of the very popular Rabbi's Notebook and Parsha Summary, a weekly essay
and review of the Parsha that is posted on the Project Genesis website. More than 11,000 subscribers receive his weekly presentations via e-mail.

Rabbi Tendler was featured in eight segments of Mysteries of the BibIe, a program that is produced by Roos Films
and aired on the A&E cable station.

More recently, Rabbi Tendler has received national recognition as a champion and voice combating domestic violence.
He is a member of the Jewish Family Services Domestic Violence Task Force. The nationally distributed video, "To Save A Life" produced by the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence features Rabbi Tendler's passionate and encouraging views.

Rabbi Tendler was married to Esther Shapiro in 1976, and has raised their five children here in Valley Village.

Education

1976 - Smicha - Rabbi Moshe Feinstein
1976 - BS Political Science, Johns Hopkins University
1976 - BA Talmudic Law - Ner Israel Rabbinical College
1986 - MA Guidance and Counseling - Loyola

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>NO ONE is apologizing for
>Tendler, who clearly goes along
>with them for conduct unbecoming
>a Rabbi.
...
>A Very Proud (of his Eshet
>Chayil and daughters) KNH Father
>and Husband

And yet you expose your wife and daughters to a deviant like RMT and your membership fees go to paying him?

You have zero to be proud of.

 
At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but what did your comment prove exactly about Aron Tendler? Whats your angle here on the Tendlers?

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Word from Behind the Mechitza at KNH:

As awkward as it may be to break from the "sisterhood", your continued harping on Rabbi Tendler as a "deviant" of some sorts is simply false...he was a willing participant in adultry with grown woman/women. That violates halacha, and will cost him his position as a Rabbi, but the women are equally culpable if not outright seductresses.

You seem no longer capable of distinguishing between any improper relationship and being a sexual predator --by your words, the minute an improper sexual relationship comes to light, the man is a predator and deviant, yet the woman is a victim. There lies your lack of credibility -- you cannot distinguish anymore between amourous trysts between consenting adults in violation of their marriage vows and molesting a 9 year old girl. No matter what, the equation for you seems to be All Men Bad, All Women Victims.

The Tendler case is going to harm the orthodox feminist movement for years to come precisely because of this failure in credibility. He needs to go because, as the RCA rightly pointed out, he engaged in conduct improper for an orthodox rabbi -- he had an extramarital affair with very willing partner/s, and possibly seductress/es. You have destroyed, however, all of the rightful momentum that developed from the NCSY case by mislabeling this case as predator/victim because of an inability to acknowledge that the women were equally culpable, if not more so.

Those of us behind the mechitza know the real facts, and this case has been badly misrepresented for feminist political motivation. I grieve for the lost opportunity, and for the misrepresentation of our community.

We women are much more caught up in the vise between American culture and yiddishleit than the men. Halacha asks almost nothing of us, save for dressing like the clique and preparing lavish social affairs for company every shabbat. We claim that watching Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives does not effect us, and that we can compartmentalize the values of America from our own homes and families. Wrong. Time to accept that bitter truth and accept its consequences.

These women need go immediately, as quickly as the Rabbi, not as heroes but as harlots.

No one, and I mean absolutely no one, on this side of the mechitza has anything emotion other than utter revulsion for these women. They are, indeed, adultresses, and we all look forward to the men performing the distasteful tasks necessary halachically and civicly in weeding their imoral influences from our shul and community.

All the purported sympathy posted on your blog comes from out-of-town feminists employing our local crisis for their own benefit and cause.

There are so many important cases of abuse that demand not only publicity but credibility. The less said about the unfortunate events in our shul, from the perspective of the orthodox feminist cause, the better.

A KNH Mother and Wife, for the Silent Majority of Eshet Chayil in the KNH Community

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>I'm sorry, but what did your
>comment prove exactly about Aron
>Tendler?

1) just background
2) a previous poster questioned whether Aron and Bryks were at Ner Israel at the same time or whether they were the same age, this should clarify

>Whats your angle here on the
>Tendlers?

No angle, just the facts.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>your continued harping on Rabbi
>Tendler as a "deviant" of some
>sorts is simply false...he was a
>willing participant in adultry
>with grown woman/women. That
>violates halacha, and will cost
>him his position as a Rabbi, but
>the women are equally culpable
>if not outright seductresses.
...
>A KNH Mother and Wife, for the
>Silent Majority of Eshet Chayil
>in the KNH Community

Welcome to KNH, where a Rabbi can exploit the women he counsels and his congregants attack the victims.

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

I guess this needs repeating as long as the RMT folks (I don't buy their we're not RMT supporters garbage) are working from their wacky talking points.


http://jewishwhistleblower.blogspot.com/2005/03/new-summary-of-rabbi-mordechai-tendler.html#comments

Summary of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler investigation by the RCA/Praesidium (the parts I can make public at this time)

A non Jewish cleaning woman who had worked for one of the alleged survivors of Rabbi Mordecai Tendler told several community members, that Rabbi Tendler was having an affair with her employer. The cleaning woman eventually told Jane Hickerson (the investigator hired by the RCA), and various newspaper journalists of these facts.

When the Rabbinical Counsel of America (RCA) began their investigation, they informed Rabbi Tendler of their rules. Mordecai Tendler was told specifically that he was not allowed to contact or intimidate any of the witnesses or alleged survivors in this case.

Recently, the RCA attempted to interview the (non-Jewish) cleaning woman in person. At that time they discovered that Rabbi Mordecai Tendler or his supporters had committed witness tampering. They contacted the cleaning woman, brought her to a bais din of four rabbis on January 4th 2005. She was under the impression that this meeting was being conducted by the RCA.

We have a tape of the cleaning woman stating she was brought to a court meeting, with rabbis and that Rabbi Tendler was present on that date. The RCA empahatically states that the meeting did not involve the RCA at all. Since that meeting the cleaning woman has somehow been pressured into retracting her entire story, saying:“it was not this rabbi, it was another rabbi”.

Tendler supporters are claiming that the RCA case was based entirely on this woman’s testimony, which is completely untrue. The RCA could not use her testimony since she was tampered with.

It has been reported that Rabbi Mordecai Tendler also contacted and intimated other survivors whose names were on the investigator’s report, causing several of them to be too frightened to come forward with their stories and evidence.

The survivors who’s cleaning woman was tampered with previously admitted to many community members explicit details of her entire relationship with Rabbi Tendler before the out of court settlement was signed.

According to the accounts of those she trusted this survivor originally went to Rabbi Tendler seeking religious instruction and spritual counseling for some personal and marriage problems. Tendler was more then willing to offered to learn with her, and offered her his personal counsel for all of her problems.

At some point during the sessions, he moved close to her and kissed her. This eventually this led to a passionate sexual contact between them. Remember he was a rabbi who was helping her with personal problems. The survivor disclosed many explicit sexual details prior to signing the settlement papers.

Amongst the survivors disclosures are also claims that she went away with Rabbi Tendler to Boston, they also would perform sexual acts in the park, in his study on a sheet he placed on the floor, etc.

The Survivor stated that she had witnessed details of his bedroom, of “Tendler’s naked body” and that he told her that he” liked sex better when she was in niddah”, and that he was “going to leave his wife and marry her”.

When this survivor discovered from close friends that he had been having sexual relations with or trying to have sexual relations with other women, she was devastated.
She ended up being hospitalized. The affair ended, and she and her husband prepared to file a suit against the rabbi for taking advantage of her when she was in a vulnerable state.

Before the threat of the lawsuit, many rabbis heard the taped conversations between Tendler and this woman. Tendler also left voice messages for this victim on her best friend’s answering machine so the victim’s husband would not know they he was scheduling secret meetings. He also said that he loved her.

Because of the evidence, there was then a large settlement paid (over of $100,000) by Tendler to the victim in exchange for promises for her to be quiet, hand over the evidence, and agree never to talk about the allegations again.

Michelle Tendler (Mordecai Tendler’s wife) acknowledged in a letter that payment was made to one of the victims (copy of the handwritten letter that was signed by her is available upon request).

Another alleged survivor went to Rabbi Tendler for his guidance and counseling to help her with personal and marriage issues. He asked her to “make out” with him, eventually asked this woman to have an affair with him. She refused, and when she and her husband came forward with allegations, her husband’s job was threatened repeatedly by Rabbi Tendler. Also, the husband was maligned by Tendler and his wife to the whole community with lies and half truths.

Years ago, a woman who was a prominent member of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler’s synogogue was kicked out. Congregation members claimed that she was stalking the rabbi, but in reality Tendler and her were seen together regularly. She went to the D.A. and community members with allegations of sexual misconduct against Tendler, yet at that time no one took her seriously. Since then, Tendler has attempted to destroy her entire life.

Another one of Rabbi Tendler’s alleged Survivors is a young woman. She disclosed to various rabbis and friends of a horrific experience with Mordecai Tendler. These disclosures included threatening her with physical violence and was stalked by Tendler after he disagreed with some of her life decisions. Until this day, she is petrified that he will seek revenge on her or her family members.

A woman confided in several community members and the RCA that she had sought counseling from from Rabbi Mordecai Tendler for marital problems. After several counseling sessions, his advice to her was that she could have some affairs if she wanted. Eventually, her marriage ended in divorce, and the husband and wife claim that Tendler pitted the two of them against each other.

A 15 year old girl told a group of people around a yom tov (holiday) table that she went to Tendler for advice, and he repeatedly asked her to lift up her skirt so that he could see a black and blue mark on her thigh. She refused, and he became angry.

A man stopped going to the synogogue after he asked Tendler a niddah shailah (a question regarding family purity laws), and his answer was to do as he does – to pray for Moshiach to come so that he could have many wives.

One of the alleged survivors is a woman who has serious psychological problems. She made claims to some rabbis that Tendler forcibly had sexual relations with her, and screamed that he was the Moshiach during the act. She was also discovered on one occasion in Tendler’s personal shower by his housekeeper, and was carted away by the police, with no questions asked from his synagogue members or his family.

One woman has claimed that she and her husband went to Tendler for marriage counseling, and during personal sessions with her, he obsessed over whether she was having an extramarital affair. This woman was not having an affair, but felt that Tendler was fixated over the issue. She was feeling very uncomfortable around him, and shortly became aware of another victim’s accusations, so of course, this woman terminated the counseling sessions.

One of Rabbi Mordechai Tendler’s alleged survivors was hit and physically abused on many occasions. She disclosed this information to several community members as well as medical professionals.

A alleged survivor who lived in the community around twelve -thirteen years ago, testified to the RCA, the press and other rabbis. She explained that she left the neighborhood, became non-religious. The reason had to do with the rabbinical sexual misconduct by Tendler. This survivor stated she originally had known him by telephone conversations, calling him occasionally for rabbinical advice.

Eventually she moved into the neighborhood of the synoguge. The survivor met with Rabbi Tendler many times for advice as well as counseling and guidance on dealing with marital problems with her husband. The rabbi offered to help her obtain a get from her husband, but whenever they would meet, he would lock the door to the office, and she reported that she always had a feeling that he was sexually excited, as he would breathe heavily. She ignored these feelings, thinking it was her imagination. One day, she met with him and a group of rabbis to finalize the get arrangements. After the meeting, Tendler asked here to stay behind. When they were alone, he asked here to go with him to another location and have sex. She was shocked, and somehow put him off. During this time, she and her five children were living in a basement apartment, and did not have enough money for food, and were about to be evicted for inability to pay rent. After the initial sexual proposition, Tendler proceeded to call this woman several times a week, speaking to her inappropriately, asking for sex, offering to come over and bathe her, etc. Somehow, this woman kept putting him off, telling him she wasn’t ready to think of any relationship until she received her get, that there was too much on her mind, etc. On the day that she did receive her get, she ran out of the building a soon as the procedure was complete. The rabbi ran after her, yelling out her name, asking her if she was now ready to have an affair with him. She turned around, yelled at him with some choice comments, and left. She left the community and Judaism.

Since then, the Tendler supporters have drummed up false information that Tendler was not involved in this woman’s get proceedings, but the RCA discovered clear evidence that indeed he was very much involved in the get proceedings.

 
At 9:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"From 1977 to 1980 Rabbi Tendler taught in Kerem Yeshiva, Santa Clara, California."

that means he worked for Rav Matis Wienberg...

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Kivi Schwartz said...

Other than Luke Ford's allegations, is there any way to substantiate whether or not the RCA is actually investigating Rabbi Aron Tendler as he claims? I'll repeat what I just attached to a different post:
Luke Ford has a serious axe to grind with Orthodox Rabbis, as he was kicked out of a conversion program in LA and can justify his own sex addictions by claiming the Orthodox Rabbis are sex addicts as well. Just go to www.lukeford.com for a sample of what he's all about. For all those of you who think that Luke Ford and JWB are not the same, they clearly are- or they're at least working together. This is why Luke managed to post Gary "Gadi" Pickholz's letter to JWB two days before JWB himself did!

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other than Luke Ford's allegations, is there any way to substantiate whether or not the RCA is actually investigating Rabbi Aron Tendler as he claims? I'll repeat what I just attached to a different post:
Luke Ford has a serious axe to grind with Orthodox Rabbis, as he was kicked out of a conversion program in LA and can justify his own sex addictions by claiming the Orthodox Rabbis are sex addicts as well. Just go to www.lukeford.com for a sample of what he's all about. For all those of you who think that Luke Ford and JWB are not the same, they clearly are- or they're at least working together. This is why Luke managed to post Gary "Gadi" Pickholz's letter to JWB two days before JWB himself did!

 
At 10:16 PM, Anonymous Kivi Schwartz said...

Not sure why the above post got published a second time under anonymous. I'm new at this.

 
At 10:24 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>Other than Luke Ford's
>allegations, is there any way to
>substantiate whether or not the
>RCA is actually investigating
>Rabbi Aron Tendler as he claims?

Get some sources at the RCC and RCA.

>For all those of you who think
>that Luke Ford and JWB are not >the same, they clearly are- or
>they're at least working
>together. This is why Luke
>managed to post Gary "Gadi"
>Pickholz's letter to JWB two
>days before JWB himself did!

1) I am not Luke Ford. Read posts regarding Rabbi Ozair.
2) I never posted Pickholtz's letter to me. Pickholtz posted it himself. I'm familiar with Pickholtz's PAS nonsense and am not interested in posting his junk regardless of critical statements about RMT.
How do you know Pickholtz sent me the same letter by email? I never posted any such statement.
3) I assume Luke got the letter directly from Pickholtz who probably sent him the same letter. I never sent or received anything on this topic from Luke.

 
At 1:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe JWB is a resident of Teaneck. Publishing in The Jewish Voice was a nice touch (albeit an accidental one).

 
At 2:40 AM, Anonymous Gadi Tendler Pickholz said...

Boker tov from Israel. I received a notice that my name, unfortunately, arose once again on this disgraceful trash list, despite my explicit departure from all further discussion or dialogue with an anonymous editor, who is likely making every posting herself in the first place.

Given the sheer volume of hate mail received from my prior posting castigating me as an apologits for my cousin, I am somewhat confused as to who is attacking me at the moment, or on what basis -- but that seems par for the course on this blog.

Suffice it to say that I support my cousin Mordechai in his travails totally, and am pleased that he has at least asserted his right to prior trial before bet din rather than be railroaded by trash like this list.

In terms of Aharon, I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are intimating, save for blind hatred of the family.

For the record, in 25 years of bachelorhood, marriage, divorce and 20 children between us: I have never set foot in Mordechai or Aharon's home, have never even spoken to them once via telephone, have never attended a bris, bar mitzvah or wedding of their children nor invited them to one of mine. I do not know the name of Aharon's wife, much less any of Mordechai's or Aharon's children (save for the obvious named for my grandparents), and have never met any. We are an exceedingly large family on both sides, kaneh hora, and one tends to focus relationships upon the cousins of common age and geography.

And for the record, paternal alienation syndrome remains the law of the land in all western democracies from the US, to the UK, to Israel. JWB's credibility there is even less than her attacks on the family.

Please leave me, and my cousins, out of your filth in the future.

 
At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gadi, Tsohorayim Tovim,

If really you have so little contact with MT, how do you know so much about the wealth he gained and how he gained it? How are we to understand the letter you wrote here. How was it relevant for you to state that you are his cousin?

 
At 4:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was SO pleased to see the letter from behind the mechitza, finally breaking open the dam of silence for all of us here in the shul.

I have raised my daughters to be proper frum girls, and they are not stupid at all. That means making certain they understand that if they ever end up on all fours on the carpet of a girlfriend's home (much less the Rebbetzin) with her husband, even once would be 10,000 times too many to claim a lack of judgment. Now you expect me to look these girls in the eye and tell them that married women who were doing it, by their own word, over two years time were "victims"? How dare you try to force us to repeat such drivel and nonsense to our daughters. The Cause does not justify denying the truth, and you fool no one.

I wish the supporters of these women would help a simply Monsey mother with the math: how many times, exactly, need a "frum" married women gets down on all fours for a married man before she is no longer a "victim" but willing participant -- once, ten times? twenty times? please give me a benchmark for use with my girls.

When my eldest comes home from her new apartment on the Upper West Side and tells me that she has been having an affair with one of the senior partners in her Wall Street bank, shall I console her as a "victim" of his authority, because he said he loved her and would leave his wife for her, or smack her across the face? And that presumes she has not yet taken her own matrimony vows under the chuppa! Imagine of this is after years of marriage!

And when I come home early one day next year to find one of these "victims" dancing the horizontal momba with my husband in my bedroom, do I accept her explanation that "life has been particularly tough of late, and she was mesmerized by my husband's authority (as in more wealth and power than her husband) and was a helpless victim that could not help herself? Have you declared open season on my husband and marriage next?

The comment about how we compartmentalize frumkeit and what we see on Sex and the City was perfect.

How DARE you try to co-opt us into blindly and silently supporting your nonsensical support of these women as victims! The are homewreckers and nymphomaniacs! It feels so good to finally be able to say that publicly and openly!

The person JOFA most needs to ask mechila this year, however, will be some poor 11 year old girl molested next year by a teacher or Rabbi she trusted, who has no popular support because of the STUPIDITY of trying to equate her victimhood and suffering with the fallootin' tootin' of a bunch of married women who all knew better but understood that no matter what, they could claim a free pass from any responsiblity to their marriage vows -- or mine!

An Outraged KNH Mother

 
At 4:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was SO pleased to see the letter from behind the mechitza, finally breaking open the dam of silence for all of us here in the shul.

I have raised my daughters to be proper frum girls, and they are not stupid at all. That means making certain they understand that if they ever end up on all fours on the carpet of a girlfriend's home (much less the Rebbetzin) with her husband, even once would be 10,000 times too many to claim a lack of judgment. Now you expect me to look these girls in the eye and tell them that married women who were doing it, by their own word, over two years time were "victims"? How dare you try to force us to repeat such drivel and nonsense to our daughters. The Cause does not justify denying the truth, and you fool no one.

I wish the supporters of these women would help a simply Monsey mother with the math: how many times, exactly, need a "frum" married women gets down on all fours for a married man before she is no longer a "victim" but willing participant -- once, ten times? twenty times? please give me a benchmark for use with my girls.

When my eldest comes home from her new apartment on the Upper West Side and tells me that she has been having an affair with one of the senior partners in her Wall Street bank, shall I console her as a "victim" of his authority, because he said he loved her and would leave his wife for her, or smack her across the face? And that presumes she has not yet taken her own matrimony vows under the chuppa! Imagine of this is after years of marriage!

And when I come home early one day next year to find one of these "victims" dancing the horizontal momba with my husband in my bedroom, do I accept her explanation that "life has been particularly tough of late, and she was mesmerized by my husband's authority (as in more wealth and power than her husband) and was a helpless victim that could not help herself? Have you declared open season on my husband and marriage next?

The comment about how we compartmentalize frumkeit and what we see on Sex and the City was perfect.

How DARE you try to co-opt us into blindly and silently supporting your nonsensical support of these women as victims! The are homewreckers and nymphomaniacs! It feels so good to finally be able to say that publicly and openly!

The person JOFA most needs to ask mechila this year, however, will be some poor 11 year old girl molested next year by a teacher or Rabbi she trusted, who has no popular support because of the STUPIDITY of trying to equate her victimhood and suffering with the fallootin' tootin' of a bunch of married women who all knew better but understood that no matter what, they could claim a free pass from any responsiblity to their marriage vows -- or mine!

An Outraged KNH Mother

 
At 4:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was SO pleased to see the letter from behind the mechitza, finally breaking open the dam of silence for all of us here in the shul.

I have raised my daughters to be proper frum girls, and they are not stupid at all. That means making certain they understand that if they ever end up on all fours on the carpet of a girlfriend's home (much less the Rebbetzin) with her husband, even once would be 10,000 times too many to claim a lack of judgment. Now you expect me to look these girls in the eye and tell them that married women who were doing it, by their own word, over two years time were "victims"? How dare you try to force us to repeat such drivel and nonsense to our daughters. The Cause does not justify denying the truth, and you fool no one.

I wish the supporters of these women would help a simply Monsey mother with the math: how many times, exactly, need a "frum" married women gets down on all fours for a married man before she is no longer a "victim" but willing participant -- once, ten times? twenty times? please give me a benchmark for use with my girls.

When my eldest comes home from her new apartment on the Upper West Side and tells me that she has been having an affair with one of the senior partners in her Wall Street bank, shall I console her as a "victim" of his authority, because he said he loved her and would leave his wife for her, or smack her across the face? And that presumes she has not yet taken her own matrimony vows under the chuppa! Imagine of this is after years of marriage!

And when I come home early one day next year to find one of these "victims" dancing the horizontal momba with my husband in my bedroom, do I accept her explanation that "life has been particularly tough of late, and she was mesmerized by my husband's authority (as in more wealth and power than her husband) and was a helpless victim that could not help herself? Have you declared open season on my husband and marriage next?

The comment about how we compartmentalize frumkeit and what we see on Sex and the City was perfect.

How DARE you try to co-opt us into blindly and silently supporting your nonsensical support of these women as victims! The are homewreckers and nymphomaniacs! It feels so good to finally be able to say that publicly and openly!

The person JOFA most needs to ask mechila this year, however, will be some poor 11 year old girl molested next year by a teacher or Rabbi she trusted, who has no popular support because of the STUPIDITY of trying to equate her victimhood and suffering with the fallootin' tootin' of a bunch of married women who all knew better but understood that no matter what, they could claim a free pass from any responsiblity to their marriage vows -- or mine!

An Outraged KNH Mother

 
At 5:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good to read that some KNH mothers and fathers understand what happened. But I would like to know some things. Where you among those who gave the ovation on that Sunday? And, KNH mothers, how can you stand behind the Mechitza with next to you those who committed adultery with the man up there on the Bama? Suru, Suru, before it is too late.

 
At 6:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

< For the past six years, he has been a member of the Executive Board of the Rabbinical Council of California and currently holds the position of Chairman of the Vaad Hakashrus of the RCC. >


How can the RCC investigate Aron Tendler? According to Tendler's bio he's a member of the executive Board. How can there be an unbiased investigation when all his buddies are doing the investigation?

 
At 6:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Outraged KNH Mother,

My dear friend what you say makes sense only to a point. You raised your girls to be frum. But what happens when one of your darling daughters gets abused by her husband? What happens when the only rabbi who will help her get a Get is Mordecai Tendler? What happens when the only way he will help her is after she sleeps with him? What happens if she tries to tell you this, would you listen? Or would you slap her across the face and remain in denial? Would you tell her to do what he says because he's such a pious man?

 
At 6:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm curious if the hate that is being spewed on this blog really coming from the Tendler clan who is dedicated to protecting their families "good" name?

Do they really not care about the truth? You are not the only family that has to deal with the fact that there may be a sex offender amongst you. Instead of trying to cover up the facts, how about coming out in the open and saying, yes we have a problem in our family, and we are asking the community for help.

We want to do everything in our power to help our relative to get the help he needs, and we also want to do everything in our power to help the survivors of our relative.

I wonder how different the world would be if the Tendler family would take a stand against sexual violence? There's no shame in admitting there's a problem in the family. The shame comes when you continue to cover it up.

Please make your ancestor Rabbi Moshe Feinstein proud of you. Do the right thing!

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When A Family Member Molests: Reality, Conflict, and The Need For Support
(© 2003) By Vicki Polin, MA, LCPC, Michael J. Salamon, Ph.D., FICPP, and Na'ama Yehuda, MSC, SLP, TSHH

http://www.theawarenesscenter.org/familymembermolests.html


Among the many issues that need to be addressed when discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse, is the rarely discussed topic of family members of alleged/convicted sex offenders. Family members include spouses, children, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins, as well as close friends.

It's a tough place to be. Think about it—what would you do if you suspected that someone you are related to or are friends with is being sexually inappropriate with a child? Would you talk to him/her about it? Would you tell another family member or friend? Would you share it with your rabbi? Would your rabbi know what to do? Would you seek professional help or advice? Should you keep quiet to protect your family member or sound the whistle to protect other children? How would your community react if they knew someone in your family molested? Would your community's expected reaction influence any decision you'd make? These are just few of the numerous dilemmas and questions regularly posted to The Awareness Center.

One of our advisory board members recently received a call from a parent of a seventeen-year-old boy. The father was concerned that his son might be abusing a six-year old girl. The little girl is the father's granddaughter and the boy's niece. The father wanted to protect his granddaughter but was deeply conflicted—he didn't want to get his son in trouble. Following a lengthy discussion, the father was advised to report the situation to the authorities, but out of fear for his son chose not to, even though he was still afraid for his granddaughter. Fortunately for the child (and hopefully the teenager boy as well, who also needs help) the father had contacted a professional who is a mandated reporter (an individual who is mandated by law to call a child abuse hotline to report cases of suspected abuse), and a report was made. However, what if this father contacted someone else, someone who was not a mandated reporter, or someone who was a mandated reporter yet decided to overlook their legal obligation and accede to this father's fears for his seventeen-year-old son and his promise to keep the son away from the granddaughter? Granted, the father may be successful in keeping his grandchild safe, but by doing so he would open the door for his son to seek out other victims, let alone prevent his son from getting much needed help.

In another case, years of allegations of sexual misconduct have been brought up against a rabbi from a prominent family. The first allegations were made when he was a still teenager—individuals close to a family member reported that one of the yet-to-be-rabbi younger siblings claimed to have been sexually victimized by him and a group of his friends in a gang rape. The alleged offenders and alleged victim's parents were aware of the situation, yet nothing was done to protect other children from future harm. Given that this case happened years ago, appropriate treatment for the alleged offender(s) may not have been available. However, the parents might have still been able to find ways to help their son stay away from children. They did not, and some years later the same alleged offender, now a rabbi, worked at a school, putting innocent children at risk, and allegedly continuing to molest. Once again, his parents kept his alleged past offenses quiet, choosing to protect their son and by doing so discrediting his victims. An agreement was reportedly made, where the "alleged sex offending" rabbi was to never be allowed a teaching position again. However, twenty years later the rabbi unilaterally reversed the agreement, and now there are new alleged victims. Did the family members (parents, siblings and close friends) of this alleged offender have a moral obligation to speak out and protect others, given their awareness of his past? Do they have a moral obligation to speak now? Does a family member who knowingly keeps quiet carry part of the responsibility for future victimization by their kin?

A neighbor of a seventeen-year old girl contacted The Awareness Center. The neighbor was haunted by an experience that happened a few years ago. The girl, whom we'll call "Marcy", used to baby-sit for the neighbor's two younger children on a regular basis from the time she was twelve to about fifteen. The neighbor told us that she had suspected the girl was depressed for some time, but couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong. She'd tried talking to Marcy many times, yet Marcy never disclosed anything. One evening, Marcy came banging on that neighbor's backdoor, begging to be let in. Marcy was barefoot (there was snow on the ground), and was squinting and couldn't see (she usually wore either glasses or contacts, but didn't have either on that night). The neighbor let her in. Marcy ran to the windowless basement, stating again and again, "my father's after me", "he's going to kill me", "I don't know what to do or where to go!" Marcy went on to tell the neighbor about her father's violent temper and disclosed that her father took her shoes, glasses, and contact lenses, and sent her to her room. She said that her father had been hitting her and that she was afraid he'd come back to her bedroom to continue. The neighbor told us that she'd felt in a bind—wanting to help Marcy, but not knowing what to do. It was obvious to her that the girl was terrorized and needed a respite.

About ten minutes later, Marcy's father came knocking on the door. The neighbor answered the door, but lied and told the father that she was unaware of Marcy's whereabouts, and that she'd tell him if Marcy should come by. The father left and the neighbor asked Marcy if she had a relative who would help her. Marcy called her aunt and uncle, who came to get her.

A few years later, this neighbor heard rumors that the seventeen-year old girl had attempted suicide. She also learned that there were allegations of childhood sexual abuse. The neighbor felt guilty for not making a report to the child abuse hotline in her state the night Marcy came seeking refuge in her house. She wonders if making the call would have gotten Marcy the help she needed, stopped the abuse, and prevented Marcy from getting so desperate that she tried to end her life.

A forth case comes to mind: a rabbi pled guilty to attempted child endangerment charges after being caught in a police Internet sex sting operation. Authorities said that this rabbi struck up a conversation with a police detective posing as a 13-year-old girl after entering an on-line chat room called "I Love Older Men." The rabbi was arrested and is currently in therapy, having pled guilty as part of a plea deal to avoid a prison sentence of up to four years. He is slated to be sentenced this month (October, 2003) to five years probation with treatment and registration as a sex offender. This rabbi is married and has a young child. What support system is in place to help his wife and child? If the rabbi was ready to have sex with a 13-year-old child, is his own child safe in his home? The convicted rabbi isn't in prison—where does he stay? Does his neighbors know about his criminal behavior? Are the children in that community safe? What protocols had been put in place to ensure that these important issues are being addressed? What should be his standing as a member of the community, as part of a Minyan?

It is interesting that family members are usually not mandated to report a relative whom they suspect is a sex offender. Professionals who are mandated reporters have a clear requirement: the law states that if there is any reasonable cause to suspect abuse, the mandated reporter must report. When it comes to family members, the conflict of interest is easy to understand, but the question still remains—even without a legal obligation, isn't there a moral obligation to protect children from being victimized?

Dealing with sex offenders and their family members presents complex ethical issues. What can be harder than being the mother or the father of a sex offender? Denial is clearly the first line of defense, because who in their right mind wants to believe that their offspring, someone they love and care for, could hurt a child? How can a parent even think of supposedly relinquishing their instinct to protect their child by reporting him or her to the authorities? It is a terrible dilemma. Could you as a parent turn your child over to the police? Could you force an adult child of yours into sex offender treatment? And what would friends and other family members think if they learned that you were the parent of a sexual predator? A similar between a rock and a hard place is the reality for people who are married to sex offenders. If your spouse molests children outside the home, could he/she be molesting yours, too? What about the stigma and shame if anyone learned your secret, learned that you married, live with and or bed such a person? And what about the children of a sex offender—how would you feel if you were one? How would you face your friends, schoolmates, or co-workers once your parent's criminal behavior was made public? Would you still be allowed in your friends' homes? Would you still have friends? Would you and your siblings face shunning and stigma come marriage age?

The dilemma isn't limited to blood relatives. What if it's a close friend who was charged with sex offences? A business associate? Or even your rabbi? What is one to do?

These heartbreaking and complicated issues are real, and need to be addressed. We need to address them as a community. Every sex offender has parents, family, friends and colleagues—people who are close to him/her and are faced with this reality, often unprepared, and in many ways, also victimized, hurt, confused, disillusioned, and ashamed.

Do you know of a family member or friend of an alleged or convicted sex offender? It is critical that you don't turn your backs on them. They need your support. Put yourself in their place. If you were one, what would you need?

The spouse of an alleged and/or convicted sex offender may need financial support while the offender is in prison and or treatment. If there are children in the home, the non-abusive spouse may have to keep them away from the offender to keep them safe. Can you imagine the feelings of anger, shame, guilt, and fear that the non-offending parent will need to deal with?

Every member of a family of alleged and/or convicted sex offenders will need the community's emotional, financial, and spiritual support. And what a difference such support can make in the healing process of non-offending family members; versus them being shunned for their "association" with a sexual predator and/or for helping to stop the abuse... If support is offered more cases would be reported and subsequently more children will be kept safe and those who have already been victimized will get the help they need.

There is no doubt that we all have a moral obligation to help stop abuse so that offenders cease to victimize and the victims receive the healing they deserve. It is our obligation to report abuse and protect the children. Whether we know the offender or not, hiding, denying and covering up his or her actions make us accomplices to the crime. At the same time, the pain of having a family member or friend who is a sex offender has to be one of the hardest pains to bear. How can one be expected to report an abusive family member and not only lose their previous image of this person, but also their place in the community? It is also our moral obligation, as a community, to offer a holding environment (not shunning and shame) for all families torn by abuse—those of the victims, and that of the offender.

 
At 6:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

excuse me...time for a serious REALITY CHECK

did someone actually just post an argument defending one of the adulteresses because:

1) mordechai tendler was the only rabbi in the universe who could secure a Get???

2) the only human being in the universe who could save my daughter from an abusive husband, in the middle of New York, was the mystical, magical Mordechai Tendler, Super-Rabbi???

3) and, of course, only on condition that she slept with him?

that is exactly what the women in shul are beginning to voice objection to --that is a truly shameful denial of all basic adult responsibilities

yes, if my daughter tried an argument on us like that we would definitely NOT be supportive of such self-denial on her part

 
At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

who is defending the Tendlers in the past 20 postings on this site? I don;t understand the comment or accusation made.....it seems the entire discussion has moved on beyond Tendler entirely to a post-Tendler discussion of how to remove these women from the community as well...

that seems to disturb JWB immensely :-)

 
At 7:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

if my teenage daughter came home with an argument like that, much less an adult married daughter, we would have her in therapy by nightfall even if kicking and screaming...I agree, this is a really serious danger being suggested by the sympathizers for these adultresses, and cannot be permitted to be aired in any adult, much less frum, community

 
At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Luke Ford has a serious axe to grind with Orthodox Rabbis, as he was kicked out of a conversion program in LA and can justify his own sex addictions by claiming the Orthodox Rabbis are sex addicts as well. Just go to www.lukeford.com for a sample of what he's all about."

For the record, Luke sold that site long ago, and has already converted.

 
At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I trust noone is falling for the smoke screen about "removing" the women!
What a sick joke. Their guilt or innocence is between them and God. Allowing tendler to continue to masquerade a "Rav" is the community's responsibility. Get rid of the bum, clean house of the corrupt board that has knowingly supported him and his rishus and put in a real Rav. Then you will have a chance at fostering proper Torah values in the community!!!
Meanwhile: don't go into KNH (better daven at home, in one of the other fine shuls in the neighberhood or even in a church!) and ceratinly don't give anther cent for his (in)discrecionery fund or the so called shul!

 
At 7:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's look at the facts. The case against Tendler is about him being an orthodox rabbi. From the best of my knowledge Torah observant men are not supposed to touch a woman other then his wife.

If the man is an orthodox rabbi, the same holds true. So let's just pretend for a minute that an orthodox rabbi pays to has sex with prostitutes. Should we blame the prostitutes? or should we be looking at the character of the orthodox rabbi?

Let's look at Tendler. He's a married man, with how many children? plus he's a rabbi? He shouldn't even be looking at the women from a sexual stand point.

The facts of the case is that he had sexual relations with at least 10 women if not more. Anyone who would be supportive of him is a sick individual.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

KNH's talking points are making less and less sense.

Apparently, the problem is the victims. They must be excised from the community.

I guess that was the problem with Rabbi Baruch Lanner ... the victims.

I guess that was the problem with Rabbi Matis Weinberg ... the victims.

Morons of KNH, the problem are the sexual predators like your dear Rabbi who play with the minds and emotions of vulnerable women (often agunot), hurting rather than helping.

If he was their psychiatrist or doctor you might understand how what he did was wrong. Then again if you had any decency you would remove RMT from your institution rather than spending your time muddying the names of his victims.

 
At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clergy abuse is an abuse of power and authority, period. These are not typical "affairs".

You are correct in that these women are not victims---they are NO LONGER victims because they had the guts to speak up and come forward.

Your attempts to malign them, however, is sad and pathetic. You have absolutely no understanding of the dynamics that take place in clergy abuse----which involve abuse of power, that typical run of the mill "affairs" do not involve.

Wake up.

It can happen to anyone.

 
At 9:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

On Cultic Relationships and Extreme Manipulation:


"About the People Who Get Involved:
Aren't the people who get into cults all wackos?
No...Although that would be comforting (because it would mean that you aren't personally vulnerable), it is not the case. The truth is, given the right circumstances, anyone is a potential victim.

How about battered women? Aren't they just weak or masochistic?
No. It isn't a matter of weakness; it is a matter of being human. Simply being human makes you vulnerable. They stay, not because they want to be beaten, but because they don't realize they have been manipulated into believing that they deserve to be beaten.

Not many people are really effected, though, are they?
Nothing could be further from the truth. If you put the statistics together, more than a quarter of the US population --- 1 out of 4 people --- will be directly effected by an extreme manipulator. Which is to say, since the statistics don't catch a lot of the subtler cases, the problem is actually much more prevalent than that. In addition, explosive actions can effect many more than that. Say, the events of 9-11-2001 or World War II for example.


How Does It All Happen:
Come on...no one could manipulate me like that.
Um, sorry, but yes they could. Given the right circumstances, you will comply to even just everyday forms of manipulation. For example, when you do what you're asked just to, even though you don not want to, get out of an aversive or uncomfortable situation such as being nagged. Under the pressures and subtle maneuvering of a manipulator, you will not even realize what is going on.

Isn't this brainwashing?
Brainwashing is a very poor term. Other, better terms have been used, such as mind control or coercive persuasion, but the truth is that this is merely an extreme and destructive outgrowth of the same kind of manipulation we see everyday between people. I call it ultra-authority because it takes the normal aspects of authority to destructive extremes. This is also why it isn't spotted at its earliest stages...It looks so much like other, normal and benign aspects of life.

What makes this possible? Cults and battering relationships and totalitarian dictators?
Three main factors all working together. Your vulnerabilities, the tactics the manipulator uses, and time for the relationship to develop. These are the basis for my Integrated Model of Ultra-Authority.

Why does someone manipulate others like this?
Basically people begin to, and continue to, manipulate others out of two personality flaws. The first flaw is the habitual use of power over others to bolster and/or maintain a grandiose or inflated self-image. These people are often very insecure if they are forced to face a position without such power, and may act out in desperation. The second flaw is that of cruelty; there are those people who simply enjoy harming others. People who have both flaws...who are both cruel and who rely on self-image to bolster their ego (as opposed to a true, objective self-evaluation) are very much likely to manipulate others.

Can a manipulator change?
Certainly someone who has an honest desire to change, coupled with the fortitude to do the hard (and I do mean hard) work, can significantly change their attitudes and behavior patterns. This is especially true of those who have been victimized by manipulation themselves, and have learned to manipulate in order to maintain a sense of control and/or self-worth. Generally speaking, however, most of those people who are extreme manipulators will not be willing to do the necessary introspections and work. The reason they manipulate in the first place is often in order to create a shield so that they do not have to deal with aspects of themselves they do not wish to acknowledge.


About the Book:
What is People Who Play God about?
It's about how regular people can be caught up in highly manipulative relationships and groups, and more. The book also talks about how someone becomes an extreme manipulator, recovery from these experiences, and prevention and protection against extreme forms of manipulation.

Why did you write it?
Having been there myself, I found that there was a lack of a good, complete explanation of what happened to me available. So I researched and wrote.:-) If you'd like to find out more about this, go to the "About Beth" page.

http://bethepeterson.com/uafaq.html

 
At 10:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A MODEST SUGGESTION:
IF AND WHEN KNH GETS A RAV WHO CARES ABOUT TORAH AND MORALITY, LET HIM DEAL WITH THE PROBLEM OF "THE ADULTEROUS WOMEN IN THE COMMUNITY".
UNTIL THEN: SHUT UP AND STOP TRYING TO COVER UP FOR TENDLER WITH THIS DRIVEL!!!

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger CEO said...

Sounds like this whole Tendler and the Desperate Housewives affair is the script for some new "shmutzy" TV show...throw in a political consultant who now represents RMT and is battling his former rabbi at the RCA...the backdrop of other Orthodox rabbis (Lanner, Weinberg) who are outta control...add a mix of "jewish week" paper which only goes after those orthodox rabbis (they turned down a scoop scandal on the head of a reform college since he was about to retire)but I doubt they would have extended such a courtesy to any orthodox leader, but I digress...
RMT has been leering at women at simchas and all occasions....check out the videos of the weddings and bar mitzvahs of members of his shul and see how his eyes seem to penetrate their clothes... more than a couple of told friends that they felt uncomfortable if they caught him viewing them over...
RCA should seek a public hearing with the accusers and the accused to address this mess...let the jewish public, which is already in on this, decide who has credibility... enough already!!

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

Simpler:

Why don't they ask RMT to sign a waiver allowing his past lawyers to discuss the confidentiality agreement one victim signed for about $100K?

Why doesn't RMT sign a waiver allowing the alleged victim who was paid off to speak freely?

Why not ask RMT to sign a document giving permission to any alleged victims to take him to a civil court?

Oh, that's right they're not interested in the truth.

 
At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a good book for everyone to read. It might help you understand the Tendler situation:

If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him! The Pilgrimage of Psychotherapy Patients (Paperback)
by SHELDON KOPP
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0553278320/002-0936066-8636846?v=glance

 
At 11:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snowflakes and Survivors of Sexual Violence
http://jewishsurvivors.blogspot.com/

Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things --
but look what they can do when the stick together

 
At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok now I get it! it's a power and authority thing that removes all adult responsibility from these women.

mordechai tendler is a dime a dozen as a rabbi, but my husband truly is all that stands between his patients and the angel of death

so next year when I come home midday and find one of these women spreadeagled across my living room sofa with my husband, it is only because he is famous doctor and her mother needs therapy...this would be a new form of medical insurance, I guess...sort of pay as you go

perhaps you would suggest I extend true hachnosas orchim and have my daughter serve up some iced tea after the poor dear worked up such a sweat with my husband the authority figure...always one to help out the victims, you know...my "sisters" in the feminist cause all assured me

I agree these women must be out of the shul, out of our homes and out of our community

APPALLED KNH Mother and Wife

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"tendler had sexual relations with at least 10 women"

??!!!

did I miss something in terms of basic facts and credibility, or was this just another JWB anonymous whopper?!

I Need a Scorecard

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>did I miss something in terms of
>basic facts and credibility, or was
>this just another JWB anonymous >whopper?!

Nah, JWB (aka Gary "Gadi" Pickholz) just lies over and over again, and claims that he has "inside sources" who have confirmed his "facts".

Actually, along those same lines of logic, I have confirmed sources that have solid DNA proof and video tapes proving that JWB is one of the accusers of Michael Jackson.

 
At 1:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Jewish Week article has blown JWB out of the water. For the first time, there are no rumors, innuendo, nonsense about DNA, etc etc.

I would urge EVERYONE HERE TO READ IT. It identifies all the characters in this ridiculous story. Although I dont know Rabbi Tendler, it would seem to me that this man has been terribly mistreated by anon bloggers like JWB and NHN. G-d help these people for their motzei shem ra. If they were smart, they would beg at his feat for forgiveness!!!!

 
At 2:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB wrote:
>>If he was their psychiatrist or doctor you might understand how what he did was wrong.

The issue isn't whether or not Rabbi Tendler was behaving properly -- this is up to him, his wife, his congregation to decide. Since he has not broken any law, no one other than those mentioned above has the legal room to intervene.

The issue is whether the women who allege having sex with him are absolved or responsibility in terms of religious law. Alas, they're not. In the case of a doctor, having sex with a patient would send him to jail and destroy his career, because that's the law. But did his "victim" commit a crime under religious law? I believe we have some halachic clarity here. If we determine that she had it in her power to resist, she's guilty. If she didn't, she's a victm of sexual assault. Was she hypnotized? Was she incapacitated? were there warning signs? Did she go aganst her husband's wishes? The law is complex and rich on these issues. All in all, I suspect the case of sex with a rabbi is very different from sex with a doctor, especially when, as it appears, these are alleged long-term affairs.

>>Then again if you had any decency you would remove RMT from your institution rather than spending your time muddying the names of his victims.

A congregation should be permitted to do its own house cleaning any which way it sees fit, and outsiders are not always welcome. In order for the congregation to go through the process of T'shuva, as individuals and as a group, they must be allowed to reassemble their community, keep the doors closed and conduct their business away from our own prurient view.

 
At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB wrote:
>>If he was their psychiatrist or doctor you might understand how what he did was wrong.

The issue isn't whether or not Rabbi Tendler was behaving properly -- this is up to him, his wife, his congregation to decide. Since he has not broken any law, no one other than those mentioned above has the legal room to intervene.

The issue is whether the women who allege having sex with him are absolved or responsibility in terms of religious law. Alas, they're not. In the case of a doctor, having sex with a patient would send him to jail and destroy his career, because that's the law. But did his "victim" commit a crime under religious law? I believe we have some halachic clarity here. If we determine that she had it in her power to resist, she's guilty. If she didn't, she's a victim of sexual assault. Was she hypnotized? Was she incapacitated? were there warning signs? Did she go against her husband's wishes? The law is complex and rich on these issues. All in all, I suspect the case of sex with a rabbi is very different from sex with a doctor, especially when, as it appears, these are alleged long-term affairs.

>>Then again if you had any decency you would remove RMT from your institution rather than spending your time muddying the names of his victims.

A congregation should be permitted to do its own house cleaning any which way it sees fit, and outsiders are not always welcome. In order for the congregation to go through the process of T'shuva, as individuals and as a group, they must be allowed to reassemble their community, keep the doors closed and conduct their business away from our own prurient view.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

What can I say? The KNH nuts posting here are making less and less sense. I think they need to get someone to read RMT's talking points to them.

>The issue isn't whether or not
>Rabbi Tendler was behaving
>properly -- this is up to him,
>his wife, his congregation to
>decide. Since he has not broken
>any law,

Sex with a married woman isn't a religious law?

>no one other than those
>mentioned above has the legal
>room to intervene.

No, each woman has a cause for a civil action against RMT and KNH.

>The issue is whether the women
>who allege having sex with him
>are absolved or responsibility
>in terms of religious law. Alas,
>they're not.

You have aidim to the events?

>In the case of a doctor, having
>sex with a patient would send
>him to jail and destroy his
>career, because that's the law.

And in many States the same would apply to a Rabbi who gives spiritual counselling. There is still a civil action possible here.

>But did his "victim" commit a
>crime under religious law? I
>believe we have some halachic
>clarity here. If we determine
>that she had it in her power to
>resist, she's guilty. If she
>didn't, she's a victim of sexual
>assault. Was she hypnotized? Was
>she incapacitated? were there
>warning signs? Did she go
>against her husband's wishes?
>The law is complex and rich on
>these issues. All in all, I
>suspect the case of sex with a
>rabbi is very different from sex
>with a doctor, especially when,
>as it appears, these are alleged
>long-term affairs.

Halachically, it would be the same whether it was a rabbi or a doctor. The issue is capacity to consent. The key though is can a beis din do anything without witnesses?

It's despicable that you completely gloss over and ignore the fact that RMT would have committed multiple acts of adultry and you only attack the victims. There is no indication that any victim had affairs with anyone else. RMT is the sole predator here. If not for RMT none of these women would have been put into this position.

I'm getting tired of your "talking points".

Why don't they ask RMT to sign a waiver allowing his past lawyers to discuss the confidentiality agreement one victim signed for about $100K?

Why doesn't RMT sign a waiver allowing the alleged victim who was paid off to speak freely?

Why not ask RMT to sign a document giving permission to any alleged victims to take him to a civil court?

Oh, that's right they're not interested in the truth. Just muddying the names of your Shabtai Tzvi Rebbe's victims.

 
At 4:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JWB -
you are stupider than we thought..
the victim/m'naefes would also have to waive the confidentiality also; get her to sign first!

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

Moron, RMT could waive confidentiality 1st and then it's up to the victim to waive confidentiality.

That's the challenge, put up or shut up.

 
At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why don't they ask RMT to sign a waiver allowing his past lawyers to discuss the confidentiality agreement one victim signed for about $100K?

Why doesn't RMT sign a waiver allowing the alleged victim who was paid off to speak freely?

Why not ask RMT to sign a document giving permission to any alleged victims to take him to a civil court?

Oh, that's right they're not interested in the truth."

As others have posted, have the ones making allegations sign waivers as well, permitting their therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists to open their files specifically as regarding issues, problems and diagnoses and whether they ever raised these issues prior to being approached by the midwives.

 
At 8:53 PM, Blogger jewishwhistleblower said...

>As others have posted, have the
>ones making allegations sign
>waivers as well, permitting
>their therapists, psychologists
>and psychiatrists to open their
>files specifically as regarding
>issues, problems and diagnoses
>and whether they ever raised
>these allegations prior to being
>approached by the midwives.

Let RMT sue them and the RCA in civil court. A judge will evaluate all the above and enter into evidence anything relevant.

But let's get to the bottom of this payoff. Waive confidentiality on the payoff and give alleged victims public permission to sue in civil court.

Note how long and hard RMT supporters have gone in this thread to avoid my simple easy challenge.

They haven't even gotten their stories straight on the RMT payoff and settlement.

 
At 12:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just tucked my adorable, loving husband to bed for the night before the workweek.

Like most of the men here, he is very successful, brought us great affluence we never imagined under the chuppa, and is a powerful public figure.

I agree with the other women's postings. The feminist supports of these women have declared 'open season' on my husband next. This year, they were attarcted to the Rabbi. Next year, it will be the Lawyer, then the Doctor.

These women cannot remain in my community or shul, and it is a disgrace that they receive support as 'victims'.

Cancel my membership in JOFA.

 
At 12:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still waiting for the line-up on ten women who had sex with the Rav. Keep the names anonymous, it doesn;t matter. Give details. This discussion is no longer about his actions exclusively, let's discuss each and every one of these women's actions as well. The community has a right, and an obligation.

I Need a Scorecard

 
At 1:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, that 10 women number is a real flashing red warning light that we are now in the realm of urban legend and have long past the borders of fact, or even resonable insinuation.

These accusations are coming from Desperate Housewives on Hysterical Lane, Monsey

 
At 1:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you imagine any Rabbi in the universe ever wanting the shteller at KNH after Tendler?

Can you imagine any Rebbetzin agreeing to let her husband and family get within a barge-pole of these women?

 
At 1:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

10 women slept with your Rabbi???!!!


Damn, NO WONDER half of Flatbush moved up to Monsey....the most excitement around here is a double kugel kiddush

 
At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excuse me, these women are NOT alleged victims of anything, deserving of confidentiality or sympathy

They are admitted adulteresses. We accept their confession. Put them in cherem today!

The shul is not divided only on the issue of the Rabbi....many of us accept that some "conduct unbecoming the Rabbi" as the RCA put it, occurred. We accept their confession of adultery.

Now NEVER set foot in our synagogue again, or you will get the same public display we would give a man denying a Get. If you sit the women;s section for Pesach, expect a public humiliation beyond your wildest nightmare -- your feminist friends can't protect you in our shul anymore.

 
At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Given all the attention being paid to the "survivors" of RMT's attentions.... what about the women who didn't survive? How come we never hear about the alleged victims who apparently didn't make it out alive?

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kindly leave Reb Moshe Feinstein's name out of this sordid mess.He had nothing to do with any of this.

 
At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See newhempsteadnews.blogspot.com on the connection between Elaine Silverberg and Tendler

 
At 11:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

today is the Yahrzeit of Miriam bas Amram, and preceisely one year later the date of "kivush ha'aretz" when Yehoshua actually crossed the Yarden river and first conquered land in EY

In honor of Miriam, can we hold off for 24 hours of loshon hora?
Both sides?

 
At 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my Hebrew is excellent, and having read the hachlatot, the beis din in Israel has backed the RCA on its finding that conduct unbecoming a rabbi was within its domain, and that no further activity is required INCLUDING any further complaint suggesting any wrongdoing by RMT.

The ONLY equation in which those two add up, despite the desperate spin doctoring of BOTH sides in this debate, is voluntary adultery.

The RCA had it right all along, and deserves everyone's apology.
These women were never victims of any kind, and RMT engaged in an activity (with at least one woman who stepped forward and voluntarily testified to a long standin relationship) in conduct unbecoming an orthodox rabbi, requiring his expulsion.

Both sides are wrong in their claims and spin. RMT is not innocent, and there never was any abuse.

You now have BOTH the RCA and the beis din in Israel proclaiming this.

As no one else here will admit to this basic fact, let me extend what will likely be the ONLY kol hakavod to Rabbis Billet, Herring Schwarts et al at the RCA who weeded through mounds of terrible testimonies and saw through the fact that all parties were lying.

Absolutely everyone in this sordid affair (literally) is guilty.

And now the beis din in Israel concurs with the RCA.

 
At 4:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so now we know from both the RCA and the most important beis din in the world that BOTH the Rabbi and his accusers have been lying to us all along and BOTH have played us for complete fools.

Meawhile, KNH has been turned into the laughingstock of all world jewry, except no one is laughing. We have been played for FOOLS by both sides who were each simply advancing their agendas at our expense!

 
At 9:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rediculous comment of the month award winner is:

in response to :"I am addressing sitting next to women who have admitted to adultry with a man in the community."

the winning rediculous remark of the month is: "There has been no such admission. Repeating the same lie over and over does not make it true."

So now you have the audacity to ask me to tell my girls that these women, in fact, are backtracking and now deny publicly and repeatedly admitting to the most vulgar forms of adultry ---for lengthy periods of time, mind you, not one fleeting indiscretion!!!!

I may be the ONLY one here actually from KNH. My husband and I paid enormous funds and tzedaka to build the shul, as well as time and effort, and now people are trying to backpeddle on admitted adultry to stay inside?

My skin crawls at the thought of thes harlots being permitted into shul. They have admitted to adultry. Where are the men in the community to do the right thing and enforce cherem? You are correct, there are 7 other shuls here -- they can go elsewhere. How dare some two-timing harlot suggest to me that MY FAMILY go elsewhere because she blabbed to the world that she slept (and a WHOLE lot more than that) with a girlfriend's husband.

Not how she expected things to turn out? tough cookies, slut.

TIme for us all to be much less Modern and much more Orthodox about this. Today.

 
At 9:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the bottom line, folks, is that we have all be had...both the beis din of Israel and the RCA have clearly concluded that both sides here ewre lying all along, for their own power motivations.

And we have been made into truly the fools of all Judaism by both sides.

For this I poured a fortune in this community as well as this shul. What a fool I was. What fools we have all been, financing and supporting both sets of liars.

 
At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To clarify" RMT has been accused by women of having long term affairs with them -- while he is entitled to the legal process until either proven guilty or admitting guilt, these sluts have ADMITTED to acts requiring cherem. They cannot get a free pass simply because RMT denies it. They must be removed at once.

And NO ONE has stronger credentials at KNH than my husband and me. Make sure the door hits your rear end on the way out, slut. Don;t ever set foot in here again, because we aren't going anywhere -- no matter if Tendler is rabbi or not. Who cares anymore?

These harlots announced to all they slept with a girlfriends husband repeatedly (and some rather kinky) and then act surprise when its time to pay the piper? Now they are hiding behind Tendler's denial???? Wow. My head is spinning at that one.

Into cherem, sluts.

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a JOKE FOR CHOL HAMOED:

tendler to board: all those that agree with me say "yes"... ok, good.
Now, all those who disagree say "I resign".

gutten moed folks!

 
At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who has the new break off shul
Who are the people positioning themselves to take over in Mordechai Tendlers place after they discredit him.Perhaps some of this may be connected to opportunists who wish too take power and positions for themselves perhaps not. Interestingly enough in the baruch lanner case (I am not saying he was not guilty) There was a change in the leadership of the Orthodox Union. Perhaps at that time certain people on the committee to evaluate the case were related or friendly with the new leader they appointed in the OU. I think that some of the accusations against R Moshe Tendler are a bit extreme although perhaps he did some things that were improper but that is hard to measure. Surely a bet din should be convened to come to a conclusion considering the atmosphere. However it might be interesting to find out who was on the committee of the RCA and the names of the psychologists and lawyers they consulted to see if there are people on the committee connected to the people trying to open up their shtiebles and have influence in the commmunity.

 
At 5:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a better JOKE FOR CHOL HAMOED:

midwives to expectant mother: you want us to deliver your baby in your home? then lie about Tendler for us... ok, good.
Now, all those who disagree say "OBGYN".

gutten moed folks!

 

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